Sometimes it takes a miracle to change the ordinary…

Nothing has changed between the day I wrote,”The Diary Of A Single Woman – Part I ” and now. You will wonder why, I can give you 101 reasons for not being married. One, that I already missed my bus and funnily enough, my whole agenda of marriage was thrown under that same bus. Missed….! South Asian girls have deadline for marriage, if you do not marry by that age, you are in the danger zone of becoming the RESIDUE. Rest 100 reasons, not important enough.

By the way, nothing changed in my mother as well and she still sees every good looking man whether my age, slightly or highly younger to me – to be potential husband material for me. She thinks I have stopped growing and I have stopped sending her my photographs if it has a guy even one km away in the background.

If I say marriage is not the ultimate goal of my life — I hear “grapes are sour”…may be! Did I had the time to fall for the guys or hold the guys who fell for me. Probably, no. Why do we fall in love and not rise , may be I was so risen up that I forgot to fall. And by the time I had the realisation to fall, it was too late, due to bread and butter story or I was afraid to break my bones.

Lesson given to me by my elders was, to never appear too intelligent in front of the guys, you will be left over in the marriage market if you do; remember you are a woman and you need to be docile and not let the man think you can lead the situation. Hmmm, good advice but didn’t work on me.

According to them, with my looks it will never be hard for me to hunt or be hunted by the right candidate. Thanks for letting me know how good I look, feeds my ego, but my PR agency which these days is run by me did not advertise it well. My PR put out only the facts and these are somewhat confusing – I am blend of east and west , what is this mix like if extrapolated – seems you are not completely eastern and you do not even fit the western values. Non-plussed!

I know my soul mate does not have a GPS with him and he has lost  his directions and not able to find me. Find me….how on the earth, is he supposed to, when I am highly anti-social ( don’t take it in a negative way – I mean I do not socialise – I am a loner and love my Island).

May be he is still searching me in India and does not know after change in my circumstances, I had left my home and crossed an ocean to be in a foreign country, at the age when I should be having my own home ( marriage ). It makes it an uphill task for him and HIM. Isn’t it ? I really empathise with him sometimes and because of this reason, in turn start searching for him and as I  do not have his address either, I get tired very soon, then sit tight and get happy in my own company.

Biological clock is ticking faster than the climate change clock, but does that deter me? No, but my well wishers say,’you should be worried, the same havoc which the climate clock will wreak on the world – the same can happen in your personal life if you remain single.’ Ah! We, singles, are not an endangered species, infact this species is swelling day by day. I really pity them, they do not know my management skills!

I do have epiphany at times, I am human but it is gone the moment I delve deeper and realise that I may  not  find the supposedly RIGHT in the mass of confused lot and may have to live my life with one believing he is the right when he is not. Sorry, not saying I am too good and meeting only worse but just saying perfect may be imperfect for me or may already have been taken and what is left is a confused lot or it has left me confused about who is Mr Right  and who is  Mr Wrong.

How successful you are, depends how successfully you deal with conflicts, same goes for your singlehood. If you can be happy dealing with the situations around you, then definitely your status should not be the reason to make you happy or unhappy. If I want to be with someone, to just escape the loneliness in my life then it would be the wrong reason, no one can fill the emptiness in me – my emptiness, my problem. I need to  fill that lonely patch myself , otherwise being with someone wrong, would be worse than being alone – then I will have a deep pit instead of slight hollowness. Also being alone does not mean unhappy. I enjoy my company and I am there always when I need me the most.

Am I trying to negate the fact that there are majority of people happily married? Why cannot I believe it can work for me. Well, there are majority of people alive by eating beef and I have never touched it. What works for others is no guarantee will work for me. Am I afraid to try, no but trying does not get the results I need. Am I afraid to make the commitment, definitely not – see how committed am I to – at least give a try-  when my mom pushes me in to it.

Once you are single and not ready to mingle, people think you are insane or something seriously wrong with you. Is it, let me think…..well, I do not agree.I am a girl who need more than a casual fling to pass my time, I need to pass my life with the serious fling of my life. And I am very sure, until I find the right guy I would not say yes, I am not in a hurry ( I ignore the biological, physiological, mental or climate clock ) and can wait till my next birth ( birth not breath).

Marriage may be very important but it is not all and be all for me. I cannot stop living my life because masses live that way or in anticipation that it is something that is not now but may be in the future. Every universal truth has an exception and you know that beautiful exception… is me.

I will always hold my belief without regret, that destiny conspires you into marriage and love , rest you can have by karma. Have always done my karma and rightfully so, I am the best child of karma, HE trusts me so much that always keep throwing “ Daring” challenges my way – where I have to leave my comfort zone every now and then – and keep living my life according to where it takes me.

I never look at marriage as something that will complete me, I am already complete and if I ever come across someone in my life who is made for me – it will be a SERENDIPITY- I will know in an instant.. he is for me. Till then I am happy and rejoicing to be single – sing gal/girl.

What a timing, just received a message on whatsapp that says,”When you truly don’t care what anyone thinks of you, you have reached a dangerously awesome level of freedom.” How true for me, I realise I have surpassed even this level. I am enjoying to be single which is out of choice. Thanks to all my friends and family members who are worried for me but being single is giving me freedom to be the best version of me.

(C) Rekkha 25-11-2018